It’s been too long since I’d had something in the “inappropriate acts of my friends” category. I guess everyone has just done a good job behaving themselves. Until now.

Tim, I know you’re upset that we had to shut down www.milwaukeewingtour.com, but that doesn’t mean you have to turn to crime…

THURSDAY, May 10, 2007, 4:44 p.m.
By Linda Spice

Robbers hit frozen chicken wing delivery
A 22-year-old man delivering frozen chicken wings to a north side store was robbed of a box of his goods after being threatened by two men with a gun, who of whom was arrested a short time later.

Milwaukee police said the armed robbery occurred outside of Buy Rite store, 2500 N. 35th St., about 10:50 a.m. yesterday.

The delivery man was delivering his shipment when he was approached by two suspects. They demanded property from him but he argued with the men and refused to give up anything. One of the suspects then showed a gun and the delivery man ran away.

When the man fled, one of the suspects took a box of chicken wings off of the truck.

A witness called police, who put out a description of the suspects. A Milwaukee County sheriff’s deputy in the area heard the broadcast and then found and arrested one of the suspects, who is 18, according to Milwaukee police Capt. Michael Young.

The victim was not hurt.

I figured I haven’t posted anything lately under the column of “inappropriate acts of my friends,” so I thought I’d share one…

To understand the story, here are the players.
Amy=Erica’s sister
Mom=Erica’s Mom
Sam=Erica’s nephew, Amy’s son
Lenore=Erica’s niece, Amy’s daughter
Auntie Erica=Erica

Amy was telling me that last week she and Mom were talking to Sam about siblings and explaining that Lenore is Sam’s sister, etc. Amy then told Sam that Auntie Erica was her sister and followed that by asking “and where is Auntie Erica living at now?” After a little pause Sam answered “At Target…..eating wings”.

Amy said mom about fell off the couch laughing. I guess for a 2 year old Sam knows his Auntie pretty well.

Someday, when Erica gets married, she has already picked out her wedding dress and wanted me to share the picture with all of you.

Yeah. It’s made of 1,500 cream puffs. Mmmmm….

I was originally going to put this under the “Rantings and Ravings” heading, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was more appropriate to put it under the “Inappropriate Acts of my Friends” category. Much more fitting.

Some of my friends make me happy. They call me when Grey’s Anatomy is SO good. They email when they have a story to share that they knew I’d appreciate. They tell me about their experiences and travels. They relate to my health problems. They make fun of me. They genuinely care about what I’m doing and how my life is treating me. They know me.

Then there are one, maybe two, “friends” who make me sad. They don’t call. They don’t write. They don’t know what is going on in my life or how I’m doing. If they do call or write, the conversations are very superficial because both of us realize that we really don’t know each other that well anymore and we’re corresponding more out of guilt than anything. Or, I can speculate that they have become so engulfed in a relationship that their friendships are either inadvertantly pushed to the side, OR, in one case, our friendship was forced to be ended. Are you kidding me?

I know I’m only 26 years old, and when I go back and look at this post 20 years from now I’m going to read it and say “I thought I knew SO much”… but seriously. One thing I have learned that I don’t think is going to change is that your good friends are there for you through thick and thin. When you think you’re life can’t get any worse, your friends are there. They are there to give you a hug and tell you everything is going to be ok. They are there to give you their baseball hats when you are given the worst haircut of your life. They are there to listen to your venting emails when you’re pissed at the world. They’re there to help you fake like you’re ok, even though you’re not.

So, tell me. Why…. why would you isolate those friends when a “significant other” is a little threatened by your friendship? To me, that’s a MAJOR issue of trust in your relationship, not a reason to stop being friends with someone. I know there are sacrifices that need to be made in order to make a relationship worth, but I think that maintaining friendships should be a challenge you step up to, not something you agree to get rid of. Grow some balls.

Therefor, I am now removing the “friend” title from this one person’s relationship with me. They are now a “former-acquaintance.” I’ve said my peace. Thanks for listening, and, goodnight.

Jonny Hammer forwarded me this article and said that it made him “think of my website” for some reason, so I feel obligated to post about it.

Two Drunken Moose Invade Home for Elderly

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) - They rarely have problems with drunks or rowdy animals, but residents of an elderly home in southern Sweden had to deal with both when a pair of intoxicated moose invaded the premises.

The moose - a cow and her calf - had become drunk over the weekend by eating fermented apples they found outside the home in Sibbhult, southern Sweden, said Anna Karlsson, who works there.

Police managed to scare them off once, but the large mammals returned to get more of the tempting fruits. This time the moose were drunk and aggressive, forcing police to send for a hunter with a dog to make them leave.

Police did not pursue the culprits, but made sure all apples were picked up from the area, local police chief Bengt Hallberg said. No one was hurt.

After I read through this article a few times, I realized this WAS Tim and his friends!! Replace the words as you see fit and you’ll see what I mean. Creating havoc in Sweden. I’m ashamed of you, Timmy…

Tim, I told you… you gotta stop doing this stuff!

Police seek diaper-clad man who pesters women

LONDON (Reuters) - UK police said Monday they were searching for a man wearing just a diaper, who approaches women late at night and asks: “Are there any baby changing facilities around here?”

Cleveland police in northeast England said the latest incident occurred around 11 p.m. Sunday when he surprised a women walking her dog in a play area in Eaglescliffe, near Middlesbrough.

Police said no one had been assaulted by the man but described his behavior as bizarre and a cause for concern.

“There have been several reports of him having been seen in Eaglescliffe dressed only in a nappy and we are keen to trace him and speak to him,” police said.

I realize that not everyone can control their bowel movements, Tim, but dressed only in your nappy? That’s just out of line…

At work today, I was looking for the address of a high school in Newfoundland, Canada. Of course, I googled the school and came across a school listing for all the schools in Canada. Great.

There was a city name that caught my eye though.

Dildo.

That’s right… there is a city named Dildo in Canada. So, what do I do? I mapquest the city to find out where it is. Here are my results.

If you clicked on that map, you’ll notice some oddly named towns around the city of Dildo.

COME ON. Who got the rights to name these cities???

After doing a little more research, I found a website that had this to say this about our phalic city:

Dildo is located on Route 80, approximately 15 km from the Trans Canada Highway. It is thought that the community may have got its name from Spain or Portugal, or an algonquin tree, or the shape of the headland that forms the harbour. This community is blessed with beautiful scenery and is an excellent place for whale watching!

I think I know where Tim is going on his next vacation!!

I am going to add another category to my website–”Inappropriate Acts of my Friends.” As you can see, Tim is at it again, this time using a different name and age. But don’t worry, Tim, we know this was you.

THURSDAY, Jan. 27, 2005, 12:35 p.m.
Man charged with lewd act via IM

A 40-year-old Milwaukee man has been charged with exposing himself via a web camera to a 16-year-old Mequon girl while she was doing homework on her personal computer.

According to a criminal complaint filed in Ozaukee County Circuit Court, Kevin J. Albert made contact with the girl via an instant messaging system at 12:30 a.m. on Dec. 16. He told the girl he worked with her mother.

After about half an hour, Albert activated his Webcam, saying he wanted to show her his living room. After a while, Albert performed a lewd act in front of the camera and began speaking suggestively to the girl.

Police were notified the next day and reported the incident. Albert confirmed the girl’s story to police, according to the criminal complaint.

Albert has been charged with one felony count of exposing a child to harmful material.