Some great quotes (Thanks Merlene!):

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
–Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
– Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”
–Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas.

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
–Al Gore, Vice President

“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
–Dan Quayle

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
–Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
–Bill Clinton, President

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

This weekend I was lucky enough to celebrate one wedding, but TWO weddings. My cousin Joe got married in Germantown to Cathy, and my friend Amber got married in Waukesha to Mark. I can’t say that I necessarily enjoyed driving back and forth to the weddings, but it was good to get a fill of both.

I have Amber’s pictures online so take a look at them here. It was a great weekend and I’m so happy for all of my now married family and friends. When I think back, I’ll remember the best wedding song ever–Tunak Tunak. I think I smell a new tradition starting…

Feel free to give your congrats in the comments section!!

So, we carved our pumpkins tonight. Here’s a few pictures of both of them. Neill’s is on the left in the pictures and mine is on the right. Thoughts?

Ok, I’m doing some major picture uploading tonight. Here’s my belated cabin weekend pictures from a few weekends ago. Good times were had in good ol’ Wautoma.

On a side note, I’ve noticed that I have an unhealthy obsession of highlighting Amber in my photo albums. Click through the first few pages of my photo gallery here. You’ll notice that I have Amber in most every single highlighted picture. I think I love her.

And Marcia, I hope your pictures turn out better than mine. I’d ask you for yours, Jeremy, but I’m guessing your memory card has not yet found a new home…

Breaking News from Milwaukee Bucks camp:

Bucks get Magloire for Mason

The Milwaukee Bucks continued to aggressively reshape their roster Wednesday by beating out several teams to acquire New Orleans/Oklahoma City center Jamaal Magloire, according to NBA front-office sources.

In a trade that will be announced later Wednesday, Milwaukee has agreed to send swingman Desmond Mason, its 2006 first-round pick and cash considerations to the Hornets for Magloire, an East All-Star in 2004.

The Bucks, according to sources, felt they needed a more physical presence on their front line to aid the development of No. 1 overall pick Andrew Bogut and the recently re-signed Dan Gadzuric.

Given Milwaukee’s logjam of swingmen after retaining Michael Redd, trading for Jiri Welsch and signing Bobby Simmons, a trade involving Mason between now and the February deadline was somewhat inevitable. This one gives the Bucks an opportunity to play Magloire and Bogut together, with Simmons starting at the other forward spot. The Bucks also have Gadzuric and Joe Smith in what suddenly looks like a well-rounded frontcourt rotation.

The Hornets have been shopping Magloire for months as part of their own makeover, which accelerated in February when Baron Davis, another former All-Star, was dealt to Golden State.

Coach Byron Scott denied earlier this week that Magloire was available, but the Hornets rebuilding around the embryonic backcourt of Chris Paul and J.R. Smith and displaced from its home base in New Orleans for at least a season - seized the chance to add another 2006 first-rounder to their own and an athletic swingman with ties to the team’s new home state.

Mason, entering his sixth season out of Oklahoma State, carries a career scoring average of 12.9 points per game and averaged a career-best 17.2 points last season.

Magloire played only 23 games in 2004-05 because of a fractured ring finger but averaged 13.6 points and 10.3 rebounds in the previous season. The five-year veteran’s 19 points in the 2004 All-Star Game led the East.

Not sure how I feel about this. Desmond Mason AND cash AND a 1st round pick? Seems like too much for me. I think we’re trying to push our “rebuilding” too fast…

Since Heraldblog persistently requested that I post about this, I decided to give in and share this article with you fine folks:

Put what where? 2,000 years of bizarre sex advice

Basically, the article talks about some of the weird advice that so called “experts” have given for decades. Here are some of the interesting ones…

Wisdom of the ancients

How to pull
“Pick the woman’s worst feature and then make it appear desirable. Tell an older woman that she looks young. Tell an ugly woman that she looks ‘fascinating’.” Philaenis, papyrus sex manual (2BC)

Papyrus sex manual? Hell, this should just be common sense. Translation: Everyone likes to be complimented. So men, go with Tim’s route of picking up girls at the bar at 1:00 in the morning–compliment the girl with the missing teeth on what a pretty smile she has. Guaranteed makeout.

Buns and corsets cause nymphomania
“Constricting the waist by corsets prevents the return of blood to the heart, overloads sexual organs and causes unnatural excitement of the sexual system. The majority of women follow the goddess Fashion and so also wear their hair in a heavy knot. This great pressure on their small brains produces great heat and chronic inflammation of their sexual organs. It is almost impossible that such women should lead other than a life of sexual excess.” Dr John Cowan, The Science of a New Life (1888)

This is just a man’s excuse for why women should sleep with them. “The majority of women follow the ‘goddess fashion’?” Give me a break. When I wear my hair in a ‘heavy knot,’ that means I haven’t washed my hair or are being just plain lazy. Has nothing to do with being a ‘Goddess of fashion.’ Quite the opposite, actually.

On the other hand . . .
“The majority of women (happily for them) are not very much troubled with sexual feelings of any kind.” Dr William Acton, Functions and Disorders of the Reproductive Organs (1858)

Anyone sense the bitterness in this guy?

Indian enlargement
“Rub your penis with the bristles of certain insects that live in trees, and then, after rubbing it for ten nights with oils, rub it with the bristles as before. Swelling will be gradually produced. Then lie on a hammock with a hole in it and hang the penis through the hole. Take away the pain from the swelling by using cool concoctions. The swelling lasts for life.” Kamasutra, translated by Sir Richard Burton and F. F. “Bunny” Arbuthnot (1883)

Tim, why don’t you try this out and let my readers know how it goes.

How often?
“The ordinary man can safely indulge about four times a month. More than that would be excess for a large majority of civilised men and women.” Lyman B. Sperry, Confidential Talks with Husband and Wife: a Book of Information and Advice for the Married and Marriageable (1900)

Ha! This ‘Lyman’ dude must have pissed off a LOT of guys and given a LOT of women a good excuse…

Never marry these women
“Redheads. Any girl named after a mountain, a tree, a river or a bird. Ones with rough hands or feet. Ones who sigh, laugh or cry at meals. Any girl with inverted nipples, a beard, uneven breasts, flap ears, spindle legs or who is scrawny. Girls whose big toes are disproportionately small. Girls who make the ground shake when they walk past.” Koka Shastra, The Indian Scripture of Koka (12th century)

This just made me laugh. You know what Tara means? “Rocky hill.” See mom, that’s why I’m not married. Guys won’t marry a girl named after a mountain. That’s about as plain and simple as it comes.

And… once again, this guy goes back to a previous article that I wrote about calling someone fat. Just come out and say it. ‘Girls who make the ground shake when they walk past’ is beating around the bush a little bit.

But whatever you do …
“Never fool around sexually with a vacuum cleaner.” Dr Alex Comfort, The Joy of Sex (1972)

Wise information for everyone.

By now, I’m sure most of you have heard of the infamous boat-sex scandal where 17 Vikings players attended a party on two rented cruise ships on Lake Minnetonka the night of Oct. 6. According to cruise staff members, excessive drinking, lewd public sexual acts and other inappropriate behavior took place at the party.

Not surprising, considering the stuff that Randy Moss and whoever else that has been a Viking has pulled. But get this article:

Report: Wilf delivers profanity-laced address to Vikings

Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf delivered an “intense” profanity-laced address to the team on Friday regarding the now-infamous sex-boat scandal. During the meeting, Wilf threatened to remove players from the roster who were involved in the planning of the party, according to an article in this week’s issue of Sports Illustrated.

Allegedly, 17 Vikings players attended a party on two rented cruise ships on Lake Minnetonka the night of Oct. 6. According to cruise staff members, excessive drinking, lewd public sexual acts and other inappropriate behavior took place at the party.

“This ain’t the first time Vikings players have been on Lake Minnetonka with some [women],” a former Minnesota player told SI. “I went out there several times with a few other guys and some strippers, when all of us were single, but we would go on a boat that one of the guys owned, so everything happened in private.”

“That [expletive]’s been going on every year,” another former Viking told the magazine, “and every year it has escalated.”

The article also quotes three players from last year’s team who claim that, in a late-season meeting, head coach Mike Tice “offered to fight any team member who wanted a piece of him.” None of the players were identified.

Neither Tice nor Wolf could be reached for comment about the article.

Real nice team you got there, Zygi. Not only are your players a bunch of hoodlums that are too busy doing illegal things than to play football (for what they are getting paid for), but your COACH is acting like a 2nd grader. No wonder the Vikings blow.

Now if only we could find an excuse for the Packers sucking…

Erica sent me this article today:

Woman ticked off by police for “fat” comment

LONDON (Reuters) - A woman struck by a hit and run car driver in northern England said she was told off by a police officer for using the F-word to describe the driver — “fat.”

Mary Magilton, 54, suffered cuts and bruises after being hit by the car which mounted the pavement while she was chatting with friends in Oldham and then drove off, newspapers reported on Friday.

She reported the incident but was ticked off by a police officer when she said the driver of the car was a “fat” woman.

“I was given a frosty look and told I couldn’t say that. I could have said lardy, porky or podgy. But I wouldn’t dare use those words,” the Daily Mirror quoted her as saying.

A spokeswoman for Greater Manchester Police (GMP) said the description recorded on the police log of the incident did include the word “fat.”

“I don’t think she was severely reprimanded,” the spokeswoman said, adding GMP had a policy to ensure officers used “appropriate language” that would not cause offense.

I find it funny that the police office said that she could have used other synonyms for the word fat like “lardy, porky or podgy,” just not the word fat. At first I thought “hmmm… who cares, they all mean the same thing.” But then I realized that we’ve had conversations before talking about how we would rather be called “thick” or “healthy” (or “solid” according to Jenny’s description of my leg) because they sounded better than “fat.”

What do you think? Fatty or Lardy?

Ok, my mom, aka Tara’s Mom, Joan, Mrs. Pfeifer, or “you,” just started up a new business and has her own website. I would greatly appreciate it if you could take a looksie at what she is selling–Christmas is coming up and it would be a great way to get a head start on your gifts for me!

The website is:

www.jpsdiscountcybermall.com

Also, for those of you that have websites, I (and my mom) would appreciate a link if you can spare the room. Thanks!

I read in a magazine today about this website:

www.emusic.com/50ways

Go ahead, click on that link. Basically, it’s a music website that wants you to use them to download songs. You get a 2 week “free” trial, then you have to start paying. The cool thing though, is that during those 2 weeks, you can download up to 50 songs for free! If you cancel your subscription before the 2 weeks is over, then you still get to keep the songs at no obligation. I’m a big fan. Check it out. The songs aren’t 100% mainstream, so if you’re looking for that “My Lump” song by Black Eyed Peas, you may have to look elsewhere. But if you are a fan of music that no one else has heard of, this might be your site.

This article caught my eye on jsonline.com this morning:

Defiant woman with TB is jailed
Citing ‘huge health risk,’ judge says she must be detained for six months

Ruby Washington is sitting in the Milwaukee County Jail after a judge gave her at least six months behind bars, deeming her a grave risk to the public.

But Washington, 38, hasn’t been convicted of assault or some other violent crime.

She has tuberculosis. And she won’t take her medicine.

Using a rarely invoked part of state law aimed at uncooperative TB patients, Circuit Judge Clare Fiorenza on Wednesday jailed Washington, the last twist in a tale that shows the difficulty of handling someone with a contagious disease who balks at help.

Fiorenza said she regretted having to incarcerate Washington but had no choice after she repeatedly bolted from treatment over the past four months.

“This is no easy thing, but I don’t know what else to do,” Fiorenza said. “Ultimately, as an adult she makes her own decisions. But by not taking her medicine, she is making decisions for others. She is a huge health risk.”

Health officials said Washington is not contagious now, but could start spreading the disease or possibly spawn a drug-resistant strain of TB if she continues to go off her medicine. She was being held among the general population of the jail late Thursday after county medical staff cleared her, said Sheriff David A. Clarke Jr.

The article goes on to say how Washington is a consistent drug and alcohol abuser and has 16 children. SIXTEEN. The youngest, a 5 week old, also has TB. I can only imagine that that poor child isn’t being properly cared for either.

This type of thing just baffles me. I can’t understand how someone can be so oblivious to the fact that she is not only killing herself by not taking her meds, but she is also putting others at risk. Her mind is so clouded that she can’t even see that having more children and slutting herself (she’s a known prostitute as well) around are not a good thing.

I am glad that this judge put her in jail. And not even for a judicial reason, but for the medical reason. I think if she is in a confined, secured place, she will have no choice but to take her meds or ignore them and kill herself. At least that way, she is not putting other people at risk.

The last of this article also gives me hope that the judicial system isn’t just “by the book” and that judges don’t let emotions take a part. Check this out:

After the hearing, as Washington waited to be taken away, Fiorenza emerged from her chambers, without her robe.

The judge walked up behind the patient-turned-defendant, hugged her and whispered, “I just want you to take your medicine.”

What do you think? Did the judge do the right thing in putting her in jail?

Dear Brewers Organization:

Sincerely,
Tara M. Pfeifer

Here are my pictures from homecoming at Carroll… 2005. As you can see, nothing major happened except for the new tailgating rules. Remember kids, no blocking the road! And hey… it only took them a few years, but the football team actually won. Maybe they are finally going to be good again!!

Good news everyone. I got my annual postcard from the Green Bay Packers yesterday and I am number 52,500 on the waiting list for season tickets. I’ve been on the list for 5 years. When I signed up, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to afford season tickets now or anytime soon… but at this rate, I am not even sure I will be alive by the time I get them.

Is anyone else on the waiting list for season tickets?